So when she met her now-fiancé, Aaron, and he didn’t fulfill all of her criteria, she was forced to reevaluate.
In fact, some of his qualities were different from the ones she had on her list, such as his laid-back personality and the fact that he was just getting started in his career.
She wouldn’t have made it through the filters I placed in my online dating profile.”Relationships researcher Samantha Joel says that “research consistently shows that what people say they want in a partner has virtually no bearing on who they chose to date in a laboratory setting.” A research team from Northwestern University mentioned in Ansari’s book concluded, “No compelling evidence supports matching sites’ claims that mathematical algorithms work.”So, if we are that clueless about what kind of mate we’re looking for, how should we go about finding our future spouse?
Obviously we shouldn’t stop looking for someone who shares our values and those things that are truly important to us, but there are things we can keep in mind to help us prepare for compatibility and love when it strikes unexpectedly.
There will be things that will remain important to you (such as faith?
) and maybe some things that you are finding less and less important (such as height? Stay true to your deepest desires but open enough to recognize them in an unlikely person.
He also suggests going on more than one date with the same person to get to know them better. Reflecting back on her single days, Grace (names changed throughout) told me that one of her best rules was to go on date two, unless date one was just hands down awful.
Do you ever feel like your dream guy is just not out there?
That finding a man who actually matches your dating criteria is like finding a needle in a haystack?
Ansari says in his book: “I wouldn’t know how to search for the things I love about my current girlfriend.
It’s not the kind of stuff you can categorize.”“He isn’t perfect, but he is perfect for me,” was a common sentiment among the women interviewed.